stolen from the WoW Forums - Classes ranked by how 'metal' they are

[Gravyspasm 70]

http://us.battle.net/wow/en/forum/topic/8197652592#1

I have taken the time to organize this game's classes in order of how metal they are. The highest class on the list is the most metal class and the lowest class on the list is the least metal. Following the list will be explanations as to why I have placed them in this order. Discussion is accepted and if you wish to dispute my list and feel that one class or another is more or less metal than I have stated, feel free to do so. You will be wrong, but you have the right to be wrong and I respect your right to be wrong. For those of you looking to roll a new alt or starting the game, this can be a very useful guide for those of you who want to play a very metal class, or to help those of you too effeminate and squeamish to play a metal class.

CLASSES BY METAL

1 - Warlock

2 - Death Knight

3 - Warrior

4 - Priest

5 - Rogue

6 - Monk

7 - Druid

8 - Shaman

9 - Hunter

10 - Mage

11 - Paladin

EXPLANATION

Note: The first three slots are VERY close.

Warlocks are without a doubt the most metal class in the game. They dominate demonic forces and wield the powers of evil to rip the souls of their foes from them and burn them in eternal agony. I really don't think you can get any more metal than that. They dress like goth sodomites as well.

Death Knights are, thematically, a close second to Warlocks. They use the unholy and forbidden magic of death to crush their foes and are immortal juggernauts of darkness. One of their specs is named unholy and it is probably the most metal spec they have seeing as it makes you a lich lord who uses undead minions to conquer the world and leave nothing but disease and pestilence in their wake.

While Warriors are not fundamentally evil, they are fundamentally violent. When I think of a warrior, I think of a strong bearded barbarian who licks the blood off of his sword as sustenance and seeks nothing more than to live and die in the heart of battle. Everything a warrior does is about glorious battle, roaring and shouting while slaughtering everything in their path. In this regard, they are a very metal class.

You were probably surprised to see Priests this high on the list. This is because we always forget that priests don't always heal. Healing isn't very metal, after all. But some priests focus on the domination of the mind, whispering evil words to dissuade and scare their foes, leaving them full of doubt and weakness. That's pretty metal.

Normally, I would think of Rogues as petty thieves and nothing more, but not all rogues are simple swashbucklers and brigands. Some rogues live and die by the shadow. They stalk unseen and kill without a trace. This is a little bit metal.

By default, Monks are not very metal. They are a class that focuses on peacefulness and serenity, which are pretty un-metal. However, if you pretend that Brewmasters use mead instead of ale, then they suddenly become extremely metal. Mead is probably the second most metal drink ever, after human sacrificial blood, because viking warriors used mead, and they were the most metal humans in history.

The only correlation between Druids, Shamans, Hunters and metal is the fact that all of these classes are reminiscent of folk metal. Otherwise, they have no connection to metal. Druids are highest on the list because i like to imagine that they would one day make an "evil tree" glyph for resto druids that would make it so that they could be one of those gnarly badass trees from sleepy hollow that were scary and !@#$, which is actually kind of metal.

I placed Mages this low on the list because Mages are basically "warlocks for girls". Their spells are less visually impressive than Warlocks, and more importantly, they are afraid of the eldritch powers a Warlock wields. There is raw strength in a Warlock's evil magic, and Mages refuse to embrace it. For this reason, they are very un-metal.

Imagine if you will if they created a book. This book was like a dictionary. But whereas a dictionary describes what things are like, this book describes what things are not like. If you took this book and turned to the page on metal, then you would see Paladins. Paladins are, without a doubt, the exact opposite of metal. They are altruistic, kind, fair, selfless, and love peace. They have faith in a higher power and rather than try to dominate or defeat it, they allow it to guide them. Metal is not about being guided by a higher power, it is about crushing everything in your path and leaving nothing but bloody carcasses in your wake. I always imagine a male blood elf holy paladin fiddling with his hair and shying away from fights to see how pretty he can make his armor look, and that's not very metal.

Thanks in advance for reading this and I hope that you found it informative.

[benjam1997 18]

hey???

why you say mages are warlocks for girls?

i play mage, i love it, so what? im not a girl!

change this please as mages are completely different to warlocks, better dps and everything, :P

[Zagam 1,982]

LOL, Mages better DPS than Warlocks? That's because Mages have triple the representation of Warlocks, so it's likely you haven't run into a good Warlock. To be fair, take a look at the Mage forums as of late...you could turn a desert into a rain forest with all of the tears. By the way, Warlocks make Healthstones, badass tools of health recovery. Mages make strudels. Back to the kitchen with you!

[benjam1997 18]

Zagam, come on mate, i have a really good warlock in my guild, he is one of the worlds top, and i smash his dps to the floor, as i would with yours

[benjam1997 18]

i may not be the best mage in the world but i know what i talk about, im a 8 year veteran and my mage does so much damage, if you want to challenge this, ten if you are an eu server, tell me ur battlle tag, i will add you and put in the comment that it is me so u know its me and we will see who does better dps, how about it?

[benjam1997 18]

we can also do this over vent, TS3, Skype and mumble or anything else you might use, you cannot win

[benjam1997 18]

if you are us server, we can chat on ts vent or whatever and we will still solve this with me victorious, :P

[benjam1997 18]

skype is prefered so out TS vent details we use dont get leaked onto the internet, skype is fine because you can reject people

[Gravyspasm 70]

[Zagam 1,982]

Zagam, come on mate, i have a really good warlock in my guild, he is one of the worlds top, and i smash his dps to the floor, as i would with yours

i may not be the best mage in the world but i know what i talk about, im a 8 year veteran and my mage does so much damage, if you want to challenge this, ten if you are an eu server, tell me ur battlle tag, i will add you and put in the comment that it is me so u know its me and we will see who does better dps, how about it?

we can also do this over vent, TS3, Skype and mumble or anything else you might use, you cannot win

if you are us server, we can chat on ts vent or whatever and we will still solve this with me victorious,

skype is prefered so out TS vent details we use dont get leaked onto the internet, skype is fine because you can reject people

This might be my first applicable, true, perfect use of this phrase: umadbro?

My logs are in my signature...I hide nothing. Are you that butthurt over being LESS METAL THAN I AM?!

[benjam1997 18]

lol, zagam, you wont be able to beat me at DPS, warlocks are bad,

[Zagam 1,982]

Ok, little guy...I think you're taking my jokes a bit far. You do your thing, and I'll do mine. Like I said, my logs are out in the open...where are yours?

[Storm 426]

I hate to say it Zagam, but I have exactly 1 more rank in my wow-heroes than you. Therefore DK's are now the most metal

http://www.wow-heroes.com/character/us/stormrage/stormdk/

[Zagam 1,982]

haha, I don't even claim to be "metal"...I never really associated with that demographic. I'm more sophisticated with carefully calculated means of execution. I need to start running more logs and padding meters instead of volunteering for the dirty jobs all the time!

[Storm 426]

I'm more sophisticated with carefully calculated means of execution.

Your metal license has just been revoked

[Zagam 1,982]

OH NOES, what will I tell my friends? I'll get over it.

[benjam1997 18]

lol:P

[JvChequer 43]

"I placed Mages this low on the list because Mages are basically "warlocks for girls"."

This made my day.

[Vladamyr 169]

Ummmm DK's and Warriors wield Axes and don't wear dresses.... therefore they are the more metal that locks. :)

[Zagam 1,982]

I think the Warrior T14 was dress-like, was it not? I remember hearing some grumbling from my old Warrior friend.

[Vladamyr 169]

Ummmm DK's and Warriors wield Axes and don't wear dresses.... therefore they are the more metal that locks.

Well... no skirt but it does look horrific. With transmog did anyone or any class ever really wear T14 stuff?

[Ilion 8]

Locks are a mix of Ronnie James Dio and Ozzy Osbourne, therefore we're pure metal.

[Vestion 8]

Im liking how my two favorite classes are the top two xD

And ofc mages are for girls, only manly men can deal with warlock power!